In a time where most freshies' diary/blog entries seem to be slowly trickling to a halt, mine seem to be doubling in length and speed of update. This is going to sound really pathetic, but I sometimes think that this journal is a (admittedly, poor) substitute for friends. Even with the knowledge that C and E will be leaving for the UK soon, I am making only half-hearted attempts to make contact and meet up with them.

In less denial-filled moments, I can explain why this is so. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of the fact that they've got perfect boyfriends, jealous that they're going overseas to start a whole new life for themselves. On a sub-conscious level, everytime I meet up with them, I'm forced to draw comparisons between them and myself. I know that this is extremely unfair, and that they've probably got their own problems as well. I don't know, I think it's just that everytime we meet up, I feel that they feel the need to feel sorry for me. They're big on this group therapy "Come let's talk about it and let it all out and maybe we can work this out together!" thing. I should be grateful, but sometimes I wish that they'd understand that I just don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm trying to put it all behind me and start anew and the only way for me to do so is to mention it as little as possible, even if I am being escapist. That's really just the way I do things.

Dont worry Huiyu, I'm not referring to you. Or to Kamei either.

Should really try to pack my routine for school. I want to come home really tired at the end of an activity-filled day, have a good night's sleep and start all over again tomorrow. That way I won't have to think or dwell upon anything. And it won't leave me time to do anymore stupid, pointless, detrimental things, ie club and date.

Oh, to you and you, I'm rooting for the both of you. Something in both your latest entries really struck a chord in me. I'm driven by the same desire as you to succeed. And I know how you feel because I've felt the same on many an occasion. I still feel like that sometimes. I dont really know how to make you feel better without spouting cliches, but I sincerely hope you'll reach a time in your life where you finally realise that a lot of the time, you're only as good as you think yourself to be, and why shortchange yourself, right? Deep down, I'm sure you know your worth and your friends know it too, but I realise that the step to take to start believing is the hardest. I hope you'll find it in yourself to take it.